You’d have to be blind, deaf and dumb to NOT know that finding a job in today’s job market is about as easy as picking knat poop out of pepper.  Horror stories aobut people loosing their jobs are as common as John Mccain’s reference to Joe the Plumber – both are a sad commentary and don’t give you much hope.

But there is hope, honest.   More than ever, you have to write a resume and a cover letter that will raise eyebrows.  You can’t afford to be boring or the same as the Investment Banker who’s expert opinion on sub-prime mortgages is as realiable as a 1995 Ford Probe.

So, how does a guy write a resume that stands out?  Here’s the juice:

• It may be a little old school, but be honest when you write your resume
  Hiring managers aren’t stupid – address any gaps in employment.  Don’t try to hide them like a cold sore.  If you lie on your resume, you may get an interview, but you’ll get lit up like Christmas tree if you go through a background and references check to land the job.
• Unlike this article, be professional. If your email address is funny but unprofessional, don’t use it.  To be blunt, you’ll look like a moron.  A good idea (not mine) is to create a new email address just for resumes.
• Longer is better – write everything you want to include on your resume. Then you can trim it down to one – two pages.
• I sound like a broken Bee Gees record but use easy-to-read fonts and a simple, clear and concise style to make your resume more appealing.
• Write Your Resume Objective Statement.  The objective statement is a sentence or two that summarizes your current career goals.  It’s not a brief history of your life or what you’ve achieved.  That’s what the rest of the resume is for.
• Always check for typos and grammatical errors. Then check again. And again.  And again – you getting this yet?  Then have a friend proofread, even if he can only read Spanish. These types of mistakes are easy to fix, and you look like lighweight if you don’t take the time and effort to fix them.
• Do not use “I” or “me”.  Like I said earlier, hiring managers are not dumb – they already know the resume is about you.
• Many employers scan or upload resumes into electronic databases so use simple formatting and try to avoid using tables.
• Only include college and graduate school when listing your education. If you won a spelling bee grade 5, skip it.  Even if you think it’s a pretty solid award, no one cares.
  Do not include your height, weight or age; this information is not necessary and will only irritate potential employers.  I don’t know where to start on why this is a bad idea but just take my word for it.
• Be current so make sure you remove out-of-date terms and technology.  Even if you are proficient in WordPerfect, pretend you’ve never heard of it.
• Unless specifically requested to do so, do not include references on a resume. You can provide these later in the interview process.